50 Shades of Skulduggery Pleasant
by llamalovesdragons
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like. 50 oneshots of Skulduggery Pleasant relationships... with a twist. Read to find out what happens.


**OK, let me set the story staright for you all. I do not ship Valduggery. I loath it. The idea is just... wrong. Skulduggery is like her kooky, surrogate uncle. Them together is just wrong, and that's coming from a Tassie girl (google it, if you don't get the reference). I totally ship Chinduggery and Dextumn. Because those are the two cutest couples ever. If you don't know who Dextumn is, it's Dexter Vex and Autumn Pledge (me). So ship it. Although, I do like the idea of Fletcher and Clarabell. I think they could be really cute together. Just take a moment and picture it...**

**This story, as much as I can't stand the thought of Valduggery, is really only for one person, and that person is: ****PhobbyWriter****. They asked me in a review to do a Valduggery fanfic, but when they asked me, I already had the last oneshot, so I posted it seperately. Which gives me the brilliant idea to this; 50 Shades of Skulduggery Pleasant. My sister is doing a Glee one, but don't read that. Unless you like Glee. She's under RainbowSquirrelJump05 or something stupid like that. If you want to see a specific couple, let me know in a PM. First person to PM me with a couple, I will do. Just don't expect lemons. I don't really do lemons. I will however, rate it T just to be safe. Also, give their shipping name i.e. Valduggery, Fletcherie, Dextumn, ect. ect.**

**Rules are: Have to have at least one SP character. I will do OC's, you just have to give their appearance and stuff. That MUST be PM'd to me. **

**If it is Dexter and someone other than Autumn, I reserve the right to beat the other charcter up in that oneshot. **

**Somehow, I think we've gotten off topic, but I doubt that surprises anyone. Let me get onto the story. And don't forget to read and review.**

**50 Shades of Skulduggery Pleasant**

**Shade 1**

**Valduggery**

Valkyrie Cain stood by the pier, waiting. It wasn't like Skulduggery to be this late. He knew she hated waiting, so he did his best to be early most of the time. For the fifth time in three minutes, she checked her phone. God she was bored. Waiting was so boring. Why would anyone _choose _to wait? Did people actually get paid to wait? What about waiters? Did they actually sit around waiting? Annoyed, she checked her phone again. 11:08. Valkyrie kicked at a pepple, send it spinning into the water. People moved around, none of them sparing her more than a cursery checked her phone again. 11:09.

She stood there, anger simmering, until the Bentley pulled up. She yanked open the door and sat down. Beside her, in the driver's seat, Skulduggery Pleasant nodded as he pulled away. "I'm late. I know." She didn't reply. "I wouldn't sulk to much, if I were you. Not when you find out where we're going. I can almost guareentee that that you won't have been there yet. I'm sure there will be someone there for you to hit if it will make you feel better."

Valkyrie ignored that last comment. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?"

Skulduggery looked at her, then back at the road. "I'm sure I could guess, but it might be quicker if you just tell me."

"I've standing there for an hour. And a half. You were an hour and a half late. What if I had been dying? Or, I don't know, I'd had something planned?"

"I've been later."

"But I had something to do then. There was someone to punch, or laugh at, or even talk to. There was nothing for me to do here."

"I did send a message letting you know I might be late."

"You told me you _might_ be late. That means I had to be on time in case you were."

"Don't you want to know where we're going?"

"I want to know why you were late."

"I was getting the information. And the weapons."

Valkyrie frowned and uncrossed her arms. "Where are we going?"

Skulduggery tilted his head smugly. "I knew it was coming." She glared and he hurried on. "We're going to a place called the Demon Palace. It's-"

"It sounds like either a really cool or really tacky nightclub. Are we going clubbing?"  
"No. The Demon Palace is a group of dark mages who use an old form of magic, much like demon worship. They're a cross between warlocks and regular mages."

"What do they do?"

"As a group, they combine their magic and use it summon and control demons. It's a dangerous magic, because the greater the demon, the greater the cost and the harder it is to control. A lot of them have been killed because they tried to take on a demon that was too much for them. The Sanctuaries have outlawed the practice, but like any illegal activity, there exist small sects all over the world."

"If the Sanctuaries know they exist, why haven't they taken them down yet?"

"Because, until now, they haven't actually summoned anything. Or, nothing that attracts our attention."

"What did they summon?"

"I don't actually know. Which was why they sent us. Ravel figured we would at least be able to get out of there somewhat alive if we needed to, and then we would come back with our army of Cleavers and passibly strong mages and take them down."

"It's nice to know they have faith in us."

'I'm assuming that it's a just a regular check up, to make sure they're following regulations-"

"There are regulations for demon summoning?"

"Apparently so. I've never actually meet on of the people, but I'm hoping they've at least heard of me, and know to be somewhat wary of us. But Valkyrie, from what I've been told, these are tricky people, just as fond of luring people into traps as they are of arcane rituals and peanut butter."

"Peanut-? Never mind. So what you mean is-?"

"Be careful where you walk. Not that I don't think you can't look after yourself, but I don't particulary want to have to be fighting of demons left, right and center. It wasn't on my agenda for the day."

"Is it on your agenda any day?"

"Not really. Oh, look, we're here."

Valkyrie peered out the window at the old, run down, cracked church. "This is it? Isn't it kind of sacriligeous, summoning demons in a church?"

"That's probably what they had in mind."

They got out of Bentley and Skulduggery handed her a container of salt. "What is this?"

"Table salt."

"Just what I've always wanted. What do I need this for?"

"It's surprisingly effective against demons and other unholy creatures."

"Like zombies?"

"Not those ones."

"Vampires?"

"Not those ones either."

"What other kinds are there?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "I'm sure there are others. But that's not the point. The point is, salt works against demons, and-"

"Why does it work against demons?" Valkyrie interrupted, watching Skulduggery check his gun.

Satisfied, he tucked it away and cocked his hat. "I don't know. Probably because salt is of this dimension and the demons aren't."

She frowned again. "Couldn't you just throw dirt against them then?"

He shrugged. "You're welcome to try it." He pushed open the door, and Valkyrie, holding the container of salt, followed him.

"To tell you the truth," Skulduggery said, standing in the binding circle. "I'm not quite sure how we made it into this position." Valkyrie stood beside him, and before them sat the leader of this particular group, a man named Orange. Or Blue. Maybe a shade of blue? "But I can assure you that within moments we will have made it out of here and will move onto the next part of our clever plan, which involves beating you up and taking those of you who survive back to the Sanctuary."

The man laughed, and the three scars across one side of his face shifted somewhat grotesquely."Oh, no, Detectives, you misunderstand me. I fully intend to release you, and wish for you to know that the one responsible for enclosing you in these circles will be suitably punished."

"Master Cerulean," one of the others said, sounding shocked. That was it. Cerulean.

"Oh, good to know. It will just make the first part of our plan that much easier to accomplish. Maybe we could hurry this up, and we can move on the next part," Skulduggery replied.

Cerulean laughed. "You misunderstand me again. Before we let we let you out, we wish to pay you a favour, recompense, if you will, for taking the trouble for coming all this way to entertain us."

"That doesn't sound good," Skulduggery muttered.

"What's he talking about?" Valkyrie whispered back.

"I don't know. Maybe he's insane as well as evil."

"Damn. I hate it when that happens. Almost as much as I hate when you're late."

Skulduggery looked at her. "You're not going to forget that, are you?"

"Not a chance."

Cerulean cleared his throat. "If we could get back to the matter at hand?"

"Sorry." Skulduggery waved his hand. "Please do."

"Thank you. As I was saying, in return for this favour, however, we will need you to immediately leave."

"What makes you think we would do that?" Valkyrie asked.

"We're doing you a favour," Cerulean replied. "Two favours, if you include us letting you go. Does your code of honour not require you return the favour?"

"My code of honour doesn't extend to vampires, serial killers, demon summoners and petty theives. As far as I can tell, you belong to two of those catergories," Skulduggery replied.

Cerulean shrugged. "I've never killed anyone who didn't have it coming. I suppose you are the same." Skulduggery didn't reply, and Cerulean's smile widened. "As I thought. Now then, back to the matter at hand. The favour our organsation wish to grant to you is your desires."

"Organisation," Skulduggery replied, "or cult?"  
"Calling an apple a Granny Smith doesn't mean it isn't an apple."

"What?" Valkyrie frowned.

"Earlier, we summoned the demon Melamarain, who has the power to see into the hearts of men, and women," he said, nodding to Valkyrie, "and he showed us what it is that the two of you most desire. I get the feeling, however, that neither of you are aware of what it is you most desire." Neither of them answered. "What the two of you most desire... is each other. We wish to grant you the opportunity to have each other."

Valkyrie let her hair fall in front of her face like a curtain, hiding the blush creeping up her cheeks.

There was a long moment of silence, then Skulduggery broke it. While he was speaking, his voice was steady, calm even. "I'm going to have to deny your favour. I will however, leave you alone if you allow us to leave. I can't promise that other's like us won't come, but I give you my word that we will not interfere with you any more."

Cerulean considered this. "Very well. I suppose you have amused us well enough." A smile played on the edge of his mouth. "I wish you luck, Detectives."

Valkyrie waited until they were alone in the Bentley before asking. "Did you... Did he mean what he said in there?"

"He said a lot of things." Skulduggery's face, despite actually being a face at the moment, was inscrutable. Valkyrie waited, staring out the windscreen. "Most of it was nonsense. But not that."

"So... what? You do... like me?"

"To use your words, yes. I do...like you. I have for a long time."  
"You never said anything. Not when I was with Fletcher, or Caelan. Why?"

"Would it have made a difference? If you had known, would you have left either one of them?" Skulduggery pulled the car over, hat pulled low. The top half of his face was cast into shadow, and Valkyrie was reminded of when Davina Marr had interogated her.

_You had a little crush on him, didn't you?_

Valkyrie looked at him. "All you had to do was ask."

They reached for each other at the same time, and then their lips met. Skulduggery's right hand was in her hair, and his left was resting on her hip. Valkyrie's own arms were wrapped around his neck, trying to pull him closer. The console pressed aginst her stomach, but it was't what was making her breathless. It was the feeling of finally being with the one person she loved more than anyone else in the world. The one person who loved her and knew her and accepted her. It was the feeling of finally being in love.

**I hoped those of you who like Valduggery liked it, and I hope that those of you who don't ask me to do someone else next time. Remember, I need submissions, and first PM for each chapter gets written. Looking forward to seeing who else you want to see together, I'm aiming for fifty different couples.**


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